Cow Issues
by Romyvdh and Dionnevdv
Summary: This is a 'The Gangleader Kidnapped me' from Angel Zenith fanfiction.


We all have that moment in life when we hate all our decisions, or just our life in general. Sometimes it's hard to stay positive, because it seems as if everything in the universe hates you. But then you remember there is a thing called "revenge" and you think of all kind of evil plans.

I'm having such a moment right now, because I'm covered in pig shit, and I'm only wearing my underwear.

'Tyler,' I sing as I walk around corner. I spot him and silently make my way over to where he's hiding.

A grin covers my face when I see he's almost shaking from fear.

'You're so mean,' my inner me tells me when I'm just about to hug the living shit out of Tyler.

'No, I'm not,' I tell her.

'He only stole your clothes, you stumbled and fell in pig shit. It's not his fault that you're clumsy,' she scolds at me as if she knows me.

'I am not clumsy,' I say out loud and place my hands on my hips. How dare she say that about me!

Tyler hears me and jumps up, looks me in the eye and then starts running again.

'You ruined everything!' I yell at myself before running after Tylor, again.

'Wait what?' Tyler asks confused before running around another corner. I run after him while yelling my battle cry.

I let out a cry of pain when I run into a unicorn.

I'm joking, it's only Keith.

'Princess what are you doing? And why did Tyler just tell me to tell you that you're his ex-bae again?' he asks me. His eyes travel up and down my body before looking me in the eyes again, he looks as confused as a cow in a pig barn.

'Well Keith, go find Tyler and tell him that I told you to tell him that I don't even want to be his bae anymore. He can go find another bae because I don't like Tyler as my bae anymore.'

Keith sighs and rubs his temples.

'Sometimes I just wish that I never kidnapped you,' he mutters before turning around. He walks away and I look at his butt, Ethan's is better.

'You can't leave me!' I yell and start running after Keith. I jump on his back and cover his eyes with my hands, covering his back and face in pig shit. Keith shrieks like a girl and tries to throw me of his back.

'Accept your fate and bring me to the king of poop faces!' I shout and throw my fist in the air. As fast as the speed of light I bend down so my mouth is near Keith's ear.

'That's Tyler.'

'Oh really? I thought it was you since you're the pig shit girl,' says the smart-ass with a smirk on his face. I glare at him, even though he can't see it and slap him on his head.

'Keith I really think you should buy it for us. It's really good for our relation and we can also teach our cows how to use it. You probably will be a lot less grumpy if you use this, think of how much happier your life could be if you knew you would never have to walk ever again,' I try to persuade Keith, but he's so annoying right now.

'I'm not going to buy you a hoverboard just because it's the one year anniversary of our sunflower. It's a stupid sunflower and I'm sure the thing is dead because you never water it.' He rolls his eyes.

'But Keith,' I whine and let my head fall on his head.

I'm still on his back, and where still looking for poop face.

You are probably wondering: Why on earth are you mad at Tyler this time? Well, I'll tell you about it. I was just sun bathing, trying not to melt.

Wait!

I really sound like Olaf when I say it like that.

Olaf is actually a very nice name for a snowman.

'You're distracted... again,' my inner me tells me.

'You're such a bully... again' I tell her in a bitchy tone.

But as I was saying, I was sun bathing, in my underwear and Tyler stole my clothes and while running after him I fell in the pig shit.

Suddenly an alarm goes, the cow feed alarm. Keith installed it so I would never forget to give my cows food. As if I ever forget anything, pff never.

'Let's go to the cow barn Keith,' I jump off his back and begin to run to the cow barn.

I arrive before Keith, because I'm just a super fast runner and definitely not because I tackled him and laughed at his face.

I push all the buttons on the door, but it doesn't open. Keith let someone install a new security door so I can't go cuddle with the cows at midnight.

Keith arrives just a minute later and opens the door by pushing one of the buttons.

'Thought you would have some experience with pressing the buttons,' Keith mutters before walking inside.

I follow Keith inside and close the door behind me.

'I only destroyed one plane by pushing the wrong button twice,' I say to myself.

'Vanessa did you leave the cows outside again?'

'No, I didn't' I say and looking around.

All the cows are gone.

'As your new gang leader, I know you're all very bored, because we didn't go on any secret missions so far. But that's going to change. My cows have been kidnapped, and we're going to bring them back before they can fall in love with their kidnappers. I think the pigs are behind it and I don't want to have crazy cow-pig mutants,' I finish my speech and look around the room.

All the gang members are here: Keith, Tyler, Angela, Gina and even Ethan returned.

They have the same look on their face, except Gina. That's probably because I made them wear my self-designed shirts to this meeting. The shirts are pink, have a cow on the front and their names on the back.

'You realise these shirts are super dumb right?' Angela sneers at me. 'The police will know in a second who we are, because our fucking names are on our backs.'.

'That's why we can't be seen by the police in the first place, duh,' I say as if it is the most logical thing in the world.

Angela sighs, clearly irritated by the thing I said. 'Honestly, if we are having to wear these shirts, I'm not going to look for your weird cows. And definitely not so you can paint your cows afterwards, again.'

I shake my head, disappointed by Angela's statement. 'And just when I wanted to make you my right hand in this gang,' I state. I obviously don't want to make her my right hand, I just said it so she would give in and help me searching for my precious babies… I mean cows…

I look up. 'I wouldn't want that anyway,' Angela says, but her eyes beg me. At least I guess. Can eyes even beg? They probably can. 'Okay, fine,' Angela sighs. 'I'll help you search for your cows, but' she stays quiet for a few seconds 'we get rid of the shirts after it.'

'I want to be your right hand!' Tyler yells while jumping up and down 'Please pick me, I always wanted to be your right hand!'

'Hmmm' I say while petting my invisible beard. 'If Angela doesn't want to be my right hand than I have to find someone else, but I don't believe any of you want to be in that position.'

'No I want to!' Tyler runs to me and lifts me above the ground. 'Please pick me your highness, I won't disappoint you.'

This is a hard choice, Tyler really wants to be my right hand, but I think Keith is better at the job.

'Okay Tyler you can be my right hand, but only if you make me brownies. 'And I mean not the kind of brownies one of my old friends, Chloe, had once… She went all crazy.' I stretch the last word, to make it more dramatic. I look at the gang and they all look at me like I suddenly turned into a cow.

'We arrived at the crime scene,' I say into my recorder. Keith looks weird at me, but decides not to question me, good boy. He slowly opens the doors and turns on the light, the little bulb immediately illuminating the room.

'The doors are open,' I record. We all walk inside and all choose a side to explore.

'Yes that is so smart all alone in this scary barn, just like in the horror movies. Why don't you just open every door to welcome the killer too,' my inner me tells me in an irritating voice that she uses when she's right and I'm wrong.

'Okay miss know-it-all, I'll go and find Keith,' I say to her and start running to where I saw Keith going.

'KEITHHHH!' I shout as loud as I can.

'What's wrong princess?' he shouts back. I like the concern in his voice. I run in the direction where his voice came from, looking around me so I don't bump into something. Then I feel my precious butt cheeks hitting the hard, stone cold ground.

'OUCH!' I shriek. I hear quick footsteps coming my way. What if it's a murderer and he heard me?! I make myself small. 'Don't kill me, please,' I whisper.

'Vanessa? What are you doing on the ground? Are you okay bae?' I look up and see Tyler's concerned face.

'First of all, you're my ex-bae. Second of all, I'm fine. I just thought you were going to kill me.' I sit up and brush off the imaginary dust of my clothes. I get up and stand behind Tyler. 'Give me a piggy back ride, I'm tired.'

'Vanessa! You found something!' says Keith, who's walking towards me. I look at him with a confused face.

'What did I find?' I ask, just as confused as my face probably looks.

'What happened? Did you finally get rid of Vanessa?' Angela asks excited as she arrives. She has a bright smile on her face for the first time since I have known her. Wow, she really is a meanie. I look at her angry and say the first thing that I can think of.

'You're fired'

She looks at me like she just saw a cow with wings.

'What?! You can't fire me.' she says bossy. I believe she forgets who the new gang leader is, because it's not her.

'Vanessa we don't have time for this,' Keith says irritated. Ethan, who just arrived, grabs the pipe I fell over and examines it. I look closer and see that there are letters on the pipe.

'Fuck you?' Tyler asks confused. 'Why would you write "fuck you" on a pipe?'

'There's something inside,' Keith takes a piece of paper from Ethan and unrolls it.

'Dear stupid Vanessa and Idiotic gang,' Keith reads out loud.

'This is going to be fun,' Tyler giggles.

'You ruined my happiness and now I'm going to ruin yours. The thought of you makes me crazy, in a negative way of course. You irritate the living shit out of me and honestly I should have send you all to jail. So now you have to pay for what you did and that's why I took your-' Keith stops reading and looks at me.

'Why don't you continue?' I ask a bit distracted by his eyes.

'You sure you want me to continue?' he asks a bit uncomfortable.

'Yes I am,' I say, obviously.

'And that's why I took your stupid cows.'

'HOW DARES HE?!' My voice thunders through the room and I grab the pole from Ethan. I let out a war cry and throw the pole away, making it accidently break a window.

'Vanessa!' the whole gang yells irritated, except Ethan, he hasn't talked since he told me he's a ninja.

'Are you sure this is the right house?' I ask Ethan. He just nods, my mission to get Ethan talking in front of the gang failed, again. 'Well alright then, someone of you can ring the doorbell,' I say, taking a step away from the door.

'Why don't you do it?' Angela asks. 'They're your cows. And by the way, it's not like he's going to murder you or something,' she laughs. 'Didn't you see him? He's probably weaker than Tyler, no offense.'

'None taken,' Tyler sighs. Angela says more mean things, we're all used to it.

I shake my head. 'I'm your leader, so I order one of you to do it. And I'm still not sure of the fact he won't kill me, after all he took my-'.

'Your precious cows, we know.' Angela sighs and rings the doorbell.

The door is being opened by a middle-aged man who looks really grumpy. He could audition for Grumpy from Snow White if they would make a new movie. I'm sure he would make a great chance to get the role, except for the fact he's not really small. He is rather big actually, perfect for cow-stealer. Actually, I don't really know what a cow-stealer would look like.

'Ah, silly little Vanessa and her stupid gang' the man says.

'I can't do anything about the fact I'm small! I'm actually tall for my age, you're just super, super big! Try stealing less cows, maybe you'll shrink a little and intimidate people less.' In my head I compliment myself for my great comeback. 'Oh, and the gang isn't stupid,' I add.

'Well, as you already know, I am the one who stole your cows. The cows won't stop mooing, so you better have the money ready.' The man looks kind of bored.

'Aw, they're missing their mommy,' I smile like an idiot, which I am not, to be clear.

'Which money are you talking about, old man?' Keith asks.

'Fuck,' the man curses. 'I forgot that note. I guess I'll have a nice steak tonight.' He shrugs and turns around.

'You will not!' Keith says loud. 'My Vanessa wants her cows back, that means you'll give them back! Whether you want to or not.' Aw, Keith tries to get my babies back for me… I mean cows.

The man shakes his head and almost closes the door, but Keith stops him from doing so. 'Nah-ah, old bastard. Give us our cows or you won't be seeing the daylight anytime soon,' Keith threats him. Wait… He's not going to kill the man, is he?

'Five hundred K or no cows.'

'Oh you little-' I see Keith holding up a gun.

'KEITH NO!' I scream.

We all sit together in the field around a campfire, roasting marshmallows. 'You really had him good, Keith,' I laugh.

'Well, you also fell for it,' he says raising one of his eyebrows.

I shrug my shoulders. 'Maybe, maybe not.'

'I have to say, it was a great idea to spray paint the water gun black,' Angela says. Wow, she actually just complimented someone.

'And I can't believe Keith called my babies, I mean cows, _our_ cows,' I smile at him.


End file.
